I Am Not Okay With This

I am Not Okay With This follows the story of Sydney, a 15-year-old who has a lot on her mind. Her mother is frequently on her case. She has an annoying little brother. She is secretly in love with her best friend Dina. Dina is dating an abusive jerk named Brad. Her father was a veteran who died mysteriously. Also, she has telekinetic abilities that both empower and scare her.

As you can tell by the excerpt above, she spends a lot of time in her head, ruminating on things. This book is a long look at teenage isolation and despair, with insight into how people deal with trauma in their lives. It is a very direct, impactful story, and I have to admit I found it tough to read in the sense that Sydney's pain is so visceral and tough to manage. She attempts to medicate herself in various ways, but some aspects of her powers manifest when she loses too much control, so in the end she is a bunch of raw nerves that defy remedy. Finally, she sees only only way to find relief, and it is dark and horrifying.

The stark, simplistic drawings help convey this sense of pain and emptiness in effective manner. The fact that they look cartoonish, almost like a Bizarro version of a newspaper comic strip (with Sydney seeming like Olive Oyl) oddly makes things seem more relatable and realistic to me. Perhaps it's the notion Scott McCloud has talked about, where more iconographic drawings are open and invite people to see themselves, that plays a part in this feeling. However I think the lion's share of credit goes to strong character work, pacing, and plotting. I cannot recall feeling like I have been punched in the face (in a figurative sense) by a comic as much as I have with this one. It's a memorable book for sure.

I am a big fan of the creator of this comic, Charles Forsman, who is a graduate of The Center for Cartoon Studies and a three-time Ignatz Award winner. His comics tend to be genre pieces, including Revenger (a violent, sort of post-apocalyptic adventure tale), Celebrated Summer (a teen "comedy"), Slasher (a horror story), and The End of the Fucking World, which has been adapted into a Netflix Original Series. His newest serial is a sci-fi tale called AUTOMA. Forsman speaks about working on these various comics in this interview. IANOKWT has also been adapted into a Netflix series, and I have to say that I really liked it even though it has some definite deviations from the book.

All of the reviews I have read about this book have been positive. Tessa Strain wrote that Forsman's gift is "to convey the inner lives of teenagers whose emotions and troubles exceed their ability to express them." Caitlin Rosberg called it a book "filled with delicately balanced tensions stretched cover to cover." Publishers Weekly wrote that it was a "troubling yet poetic exploration of young adults working through their mental pain via its physical projection."

Originally self-published as a series of mini-comics, this collected version of I Am Not Okay With This was published by Fantagraphics Books, and they offer a preview and more information about it here. Because of its strong subject matter, I'd recommend this book for mature readers.